So I’m crying and kicking myself.
I guess you (read: I) never really know about the future. I knew something big was going to come from [this] but I wasn’t ever sure what exactly. So now that it’s turned into [THIS], I’m crying and kicking myself.
I never think that anything could have been done at the time to prevent such a catastrophe, except to brake the feelings and break a heart from the get-go. But I’m never one for saying no.
If life’s always a mess, then we need a constant. If life’s always boring, then we need a pull in the upward direction. If life hurts, then live it. It’s how you know you’re alive. Never regret, because we can only learn until we die (and then you’ll be sorry).
God, I guess I’m just a slacker. I let it slide around and get so big and out-of-my-hands. It’s crushing me - and I’m crying and kicking myself (but I shouldn’t be, because I made this decision and I needed to learn this).
(I can’t help but think this was necessary. But God, it hurts.)
